In the previous post of this series (Dark Side, pt. 1)I was touching on some of the interesting people who spend a great deal of their time hanging out on the internet and making most people miserable or agitated in the process. However, in no way, shape, or form, could that or would that be the end of it all. Nuances, part 2.
4. The complain train
You’ve seen them (or know them): that person that, no matter how the product is marketed, what the product is, promotes, or how they can make their lives easier and just *not* acknowledge said product, choose to instead spend there ever lasting moment on a site (or in some cases, just a page) complaining. An example would be as such: a new blog post is published, bashing your favorite flavor of shake. In your world, you say ‘well, that’s just an opinion, and there’s no reason for me to stop drinking said shake’ and you move on. This is normal-logical, even. The complain train takes this as a personal assault to their intelligence and their well-being, and they must take you down, at any cost. Rational thought will not stop them.What gets me the most about the complain train is that they actually will sit there and monitor responses that come in attacking them, only to retort back. They are the ultimate in wanting the last word. It’s one thing to engage intellectual banter. Typically the complain train doesn’t admit to being ‘wrong’ or that everyone is entitled to an opinion. It is an absolute: they are right, or you are stupid. Nothing will satisfy them outside of bowing to them and saying ‘You are absolutely correct; what was I thinking?’ These are particularly problematic because when it comes to say, a recent product, it takes them an entire 1-2 days to find everything that is wrong with it (be it large-scale, such as a faulty part or it keeps exploding….or miniscule, such as they misspelled ‘Swiffer’-which, is a made up word ANYWAY.), and there is no convincing them that it has redeeming qualities or that it is worthwhile. This person goes out the way to read their own complaints, and are angered (and thus complain more) when anyone has the audacity to say ‘Wow, that’s not biased at all *insert sarcasm*’. What’s even funnier in my opinion, is when the masses realize that this isn’t worth continuing, and leave. The complain train THEN complains about not getting any feedback (read: people who agree with them). You know, given that this is the INTERNET, its true: someone does think that what you’re saying is important. Just….probably for all the wrong reasons. Or as fuel to use against you. Or for the sake of just reminding you that you’re fighting with yourself on THE INTERNET. I just don’t find myself caring enough to invest time in whining about why my old phone was so much more awesome than my new phone. If I liked it that much, why the hell did I get a new phone?! If I don’t like a recent purchase I’ve made, I either a) suck it up and deal. b) take it back. It really is that simple.
Alternatively, no one cares. Keep talking to yourself.
No seriously, if you have the time and dedication to sit on Facebook, and piss and moan about why your favorite character is no longer in a game, then you have time to do something PRODUCTIVE. Shoo! Get off the Internet! We stopped listening after you complained about the button on your favorite shirt popping off for an eighth time-use your brain: stop wearing it! Get a bigger size! Restitch it yourself! Stop sleeping in it then wearing it out! Reasoning = good.
5. Girl/Guy on the Internet Syndrome
Everyone knows these, too: the person whose profile picture is constantly changing by the week, newest outfit, or daily hair dye jobs. The person who feels that the internet just can’t get enough of them, and that their photos are the best photos. They are MySpace models, amateur photographers, and kids…on maximum. They are awesome, and just can’t get over how amazing they are. You should be watching them in awe and splendor, as these are God’s gifts to the world, and always changing; you should try to keep up with them as much as possible!
These, are people suffering from Girl/Guy on the Internet Syndrome.
I’ve never quite understood this phenom, outside of its origins from MySpace with the Tom. Yes, the Tom-the one that when you sign up is by default your very first friend, with that very first super creepy inbox message. I mean don’t get me wrong; the man served as a catalyst to one of the most successful markets there are. MySpace is actually still running with a very strong community, that is constantly expanding. The photo crap, however-he could have kept that at home.The big thing with GotIS is that, even if the person is attractive, there’s that part of you that instinctively gets tired of seeing a new photo from them EVERY SINGLE DAY/WEEK. It makes you start to wonder if they have lives outside of the internet, and if so, when do they engage them? You spend half your time making absurd faces in front of a camera and posting it somewhere with a caps lock caption! I don’t care if you’re the hottest person alive, GotIS is a sure sign of someone who needs a constant stream of attention. They need constant approval, appraisal, and generally speaking, someone to always ride their coat-tail. Usually GotIS patients travel in packs, as you obviously can’t flaunt all of that fabulousness on your own! You need a posse who is just as hot as you are!
Seriously, who has the time and energy to dedicate to this crap? I already hate putting on make-up, heels, and fancy clothes just to go outside. Meetings and conference proceedings are the bane of my existence, as those require effort and planning ahead if I want to look decent. I’m very much a shirt-jeans-shoes type of chick. Getting dressed just to take a bathroom photo? Come on! I barely have the patience to get out of my bed and do the 3 research projects I have this semester-and that’s worthwhile! I want to find all the friends in my Facebook list who have these photos up and running on a regular basis, and just tell them ‘you look like a drunk fish when you pout your lips like that’, or ‘putting your hand down your pants does NOT equal sexy.’ In the defense of Tom, he at least has a touch of class to his-and hell, he’s the original (and at least cute in a nerdy way). Looking at the mass wave that exist on the internet now, it’s like being forced to watch Jersey Shore a la Clockwork Orange torture mechanisms. For my profile picture viewer.
Now, does this mean I’m against self-take photos? Not at all. I’m just against people thinking that they’re so hot that they have to take one anytime they breathe. “God I’m so hott. I wonder if my hottness has went up in the past second? *snap* Oh yes. *snap* Work it! *snap* GOD I LOVE MYSELF *posts all 50 recent photos on Facebook*”
Go outside! Talk to real people!
AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP PUTTING ON ALL THIS FOUNDATION, NASTY DYE, AND SPRAY ON TAN (oh yes, that applies to you too, guys)!